


It's not easy to be me...

by Crushed_Seraphim



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:35:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crushed_Seraphim/pseuds/Crushed_Seraphim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damon's the handsome, dangerous brother. Nobody ever tried to get past his facade & see the real him. Nobody except Elena, that is. Because of her, he changes. What made him change? Now, we get to peek into his mind with a look at his diary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not easy to be me...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm a TVD fanatic, Damon worshiper and a Damon/Elena shipper. So, since I had this piece lying around, I thought I'd put it up. It's something I wrote a few years ago for a creative writing course and my teachers were pretty impressed.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like it. Don't forget to review! :)
> 
> While reading this, listen to Superman by Five for Fighting. I was listening to it while I wrote the piece & I think it goes well with how Damon is feeling. Here's the link to it: watch?v=GRz4FY0ZcwI
> 
> And I found an amazing collab video, that you guys should check out, also done to this song. (2:31-3:10 are parts with Damon & Stefan) watch?v=7t8kPPtUYXw

Dear Diary,

I love someone. A sweet girl. An angel with big brown eyes and a sweet smile. Elena. Her name continues to echo in my head like a beautiful melody. A reminder of forbidden love and of someone I can never have. I love her and I am unsure why I do. It might be because she reminds me of my first love, Katherine. Katherine and Elena are doppelgangers—they are like twins, perfectly alike but somehow not related. They are completely and yet nothing alike. They are mirror images of each other, and yet their personalities couldn't be any different. Everything about Katherine is primal. She is a hunter, someone who toys with her victims before she ends them in cold blood. She is passionate about everything and can become quite obsessive about some things. She likes everything to be perfect. Elena, on the other hand, is selfless. She has a beautiful soul. She is good and she's always caring toward everyone, even those who might not deserve it. She can be cut-throat around people like John, her biological father, however like him they must have hurt her in some way or caused her pain in order for her to change so drastically. Her acts are based on love and she's always trying to keep the peace and be the referee when two people are fighting…which happens a lot, especially between Stefan and me. She would sacrifice her life willingly if only her loved ones are safe.

What I love most about Elena is her ability to make me feel almost human. She refuses to give up on me because she sees something in me that is worth saving. I find that both absurd and yet, it feels nice, in a way, to know that someone thinks I could redeem myself. Ever since 1864, I became a killer. A demon who enjoys taking the lives of innocent people and who takes pleasure in seeing his prey fear him. There's nothing redeemable about me—it's who I've become. What's worse is that Elena brings out the human in me. I can be the caring guy I truly am around her and the evil persona crumbles when she is around. I let myself feel with her. I want to make her fear me and yet, I become weak when she's around. I'm not meant to be nice!

The extraordinary thing is that she sees the mask and tries to break down my walls. She cares for me even if I always shut myself off from the world. It infuriates me that this little human, who I can crush with a mere flick of my hand, has the power to break down my walls. I can't help it…she sees the real me! The person I used to be before I met Katherine. Who knew the big bad wolf could be tamed into a guard dog by one woman.

It's so hard to see her every day and not tell her how I feel about her…It's excruciating to describe how heart breaking it was to find out that when I kissed her it wasn't actually her…It was Katherine….Katherine, the monster who is almost masochistic. The one who takes pleasure in seeing others suffer.

The problem is that Elena is dating my brother. Saint Stefan. This shouldn't stop me and yet, in a way, I can't risk her being unhappy. I may be the evil brother, the one who destroys everything he touches, but I can't find it in me to break them up. She's so happy with him and I simply can't do that to her. She'd hate me even more than she already does. As selfish as I am, my brother deserves her and she deserves him. They are the two lost pieces of a puzzle who have finally found each other after a long and tiring period of time. After all, they've both been through so much, it's only fair they finally get to be happy...

Oh, who am I kidding?

"It was always Stefan. It'll always be Stefan." Katherine and Elena made sure I knew that.

I've lost Katherine too. All my existence, I've been nothing but miserable. I chose this path to self destruction and I know I'm to blame, but...But, nobody cares. Everyone feels sorry for Stefan. Poor Stefan! He lost so much. He doesn't deserve this...Yeah? Well, what about poor Damon, huh? Who cares about the other brother, right? He's evil; the devil in disguise. He should pay for this. Plus, he chooses not to feel.

Unfortunately, I do have feelings. Elena made sure of that. I feel and it SUCKS! It's torture to the point of where death would be more soothing than this.

Now that I finally found a girl who brings out the best in me, my old flame comes back to ruin everything and take her away from me...

It's not easy to be me.

So what am I going to do?

Yours truly,

Damon Salvatore

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave me a review to tell me if you like it. :) Reviews are better than Damon shirtless & we all know how good he looks shirtless ;) Stefan's not that bad either! :) I guess I'm not far behing Katherine. After all, it's not wrong to love both of them.


End file.
